I love to write.
But when faced with 5 papers due next week, I can barely find an ounce of motivation within me to get started.
I love being creative.
But when demanded to come up with 3 original short film ideas for the semester, I complain at every opportunity I can about having to write scripts.
Is there something about college that sucks the joy out of everything I love doing?
Maybe it is the deadlines and time crunch. Maybe it's because I am graded for them.
Maybe it's their fault.
Or maybe it's mine. Maybe I have forgotten how much I enjoyed doing these things because I only see them as a means to an end.
Getting that degree. That piece of paper. That 4.0 GPA.
That honor. That pride. That satisfaction.
Not that they aren't good or legitimate goals, but why should they turn me into a bitter, resentful student?
I had once longed, so very deeply, for the opportunity to study abroad - to be challenged and to be exposed to differences.
To have the opportunity to learn. And here I am.
But, slowly, I have allowed my desires to be perfect cloud my ability to see how blessed I am in the present. I have shifted my perspectives from seeing opportunities as burdens; gifts as curses.
I have forgotten the joys of being present. May I never forget.
But if I ever do, there's this blog post for me to refer to, over and over again.